About us
paper-jam are all dead at the moment for tax reasons...
Steve
"Buttock"
Pioneering human/cyborg, Steve died suddenly yesterday after a nasty mix up with the voltage required for the 56k modem he was attempting to install in his left buttock. History will remember him for his ultimately tragic attempts to merge man and machine. His wife and four sons (Ralf, Florian, Fritz and Henning) will remember him as a rechargeable, loving husband and father.
Jim
"Hanging"
The man hereafter known as “the reason that they brought back hanging” was finally executed last night. The burden of the four-year trial was weighing heavily on his family’s finances so they gratefully accepted the £2 million pound offer from Sky TV to broadcast his last moments live in stunning HDTV. A crowd of almost four people holding a candlelit vigil outside the prison wept as news spread of his final words, one of which was reported to be “Pissflaps”.
Vanessa
"Upset"
Details are only now emerging of how Vanessa was stalked, kidnapped and eventually done away with by an upset group of celebrities including Keira Knightly, Harold off Neighbours and The entire cast of the re-make of Pride and Prejudice. Police are appealing for any theatrical agents to come forward with some idea of what their collective motive may have been.
Nick
"Olympic"
Bon-viveur, philosopher and Olympic Curler, Nick died tragically last month during a photo shoot for what would have been a record breaking 6th cover of Men’s Health magazine. Early reports suggest that a rogue flash-gun ignited the large sambuca which he just happened to be sipping at the time.
Jim W aka James
"Nitro"
In the history of the Coventry Grand Prix there are no names that stand out more proudly than that of the late champion. After securing a record 9th successive victory he lost control of his antique nitro powered Alfa Romeo while attempting to demonstrate how the ring road was designed so that you can drive either way round it. He landed somewhere near the Sky Dome. It is what he would have wanted.
Adam
"Charlie"
He was a PFC on a search patrol, hunting Charlie down - this was in the jungle war of ‘65. His weapon jammed and he got stuck way out and all alone and he could hear the enemy moving in close outside. He heard a twig snap so he grabbed his empty gun then he dug in scared while he counted down his fate, just then… They shot him.