Inception has been portrayed like you need a doctorate to go and watch it. Is this the case? Are there even more complicated films out there? Should you care?
Time to choose what to bet on for England's first game against the sceptic tanks. For this I will turning to the mystic and deeply credible discipline of astrology - it never did Peter Sellers any harm, did it?
For my astral guide I have decided upon that unequalled seer of the modern age, yes, The Sun's very own Mystic Meg. I'm a selfish, moody Scorpio, the type Raymond Domenech doesn't like, so let's see what advice Meg has for me...
“The most passionate moon of your year promises a loved-up weekend - even if you are not expecting it.”
OK Meg, not very helpful – but maybe something to look forward to this evening.
“If you're single another Scorpio could be perfect for you.”
Right, I'm definitely single – could Meg be hinting that a scorpio in the England team is worth betting on? Lets see... Joe Cole, Wayne Rooney, Shaun Wright-Phillips and the injured Rio Ferdinand are all Scorpio, but its not very specific is it?
“At home you can soothe moods and plans for a family to work together are worth checking.”
Fortunately the Neville brothers are not involved in this squad.
“Luck is hot for H names.”
That's got to be it! Totally conclusive: Heskey to score first, lets put a few quid on that. Let's hope he actually starts eh?
Usually during international football tournaments I have a punt at trying the life of a carefree gambler, this generally goes very badly, possibly because I am a poor judge of sporting form, but more probably because I am completely cursed.
So this time round I have decided, like luke skywalker in the death star trench, to remove my conscious self from the equation. I will embrace the chaotic nature of the universe and use various random, spiritual and possibly illegal methods to decide what to spend my world cup kitty of fifty quid on.
To complete the experiment I have also introduced a control group, representing logic and order, in the shape of a man called Gary. Gary is ideal for this as he is an enthusiastic gambler and also the luckiest person I know. If he dropped a piece of toast, it would not only land butter side up, but he would also spot a ten pound note under the table when he was bending down to pick it up.
We are both starting on 50 quid and will detail the bets we make and how we arrived at these conclusions as the tournament moves on over the next month. There is a spreadsheet here where you can keep up to date on how we are getting on.
First up, who is going to win the world cup and who is going to win the golden boot:
Gary gave it some thought and e-mailed me the following:
"My team to win the World Cup after much thought is Holland. I like the look of the group they are in which they should win with ease, it gives them a chance to rest players in the third game and even try out formations for future matches. If they win their group they play the runners of of group which will be Paraguay or Slovakia, again this should be an easy game and then its the quarter finals and a lottery and have as good a chance as anybody. They will probably have Brazil in the Quarters but I don't fancy them this year, too many European players and ageing centre halves for me. They also choke in big games! - £2 win at 9-1
Top goal scorer is easy for me, Van Persie!! Had the whole of the year off injured, so raring to go. Has scored some great goals in the warm up games and is simply a class act. He should score enough in the group games to win the golden boot and give Wenger a headache as Real Madrid and Barca will coming knocking after the competition. - £2 win at 11-1
I have also had a 25p bet of Nikola Zigic from Serbia to be the top goal scorer, the team have an easy group in my mind where goals will be scored and if things go there way the quarter final is also winnable. At 100-1 its worth a go and with the quarters onwards being real cagey affairs, the golden boot is often won early on. Oh and he has also just signed for Birmingham CIty, although that has nothing to do with this choice:)"
I on the other hand re-called the novel The Dice Man by Luke Rhinehart and acted according, The dice decided that Engalnd are going to win the world cup and that Brazil's Luis Fabiano will score the most goals - here is a shonky video just to prove I didn't cheat:
There's always a buzz of excitement whenever it looks like Chris Morris is about to do something a bit controversial, remember all the outrage about the Brass Eye paedophilia special? That caused a bit of a fuss.
After doing the short film My Wrongs 8245-8249 & 117 and appearing in the IT Crowd (neither of which caused any Daily Mail headlines) he is back with the cinematic treat Four Lions, which as far as anyone can tell is a comedy about some rather shit terrorists. In the last day or so the media world has been falling over themselves with news of "exclusive" footage of the following short clip - which turns out to be exclusively available to everyone on You Tube. I have laughed repeatedly at the slightly incredulous "IRA voice?".
The film is set to premiere at the Sundance Film Festival tomorrow, no idea when it might be out here yet. More info at the Warp Films web site.
The Book Of Eli isn't a bad movie at all, but it does leave you with a bundle of questions:
Why wasn't that film twenty minutes shorter?
Was it a god fearin', gun totin' advert for going to church - or was it pointing out that even if the smallest bit of religion is about then a lot of people are going to kill each other as a result?
Where exactly has Mila Kunis found a surviving All Saints store?
What are the odds of an amazingly ironic A Boy and His Dog poster turning up on the wall of a post apocalyptic hovel?
Why was that henchman whistling the pan-pipe bit out of Once Upon A Time In America?
Based on when the war must have happened, did none of these characters ever watch Mad Max 2? Play Fallout? Read The Road? Because the blokes who made the film certainly have.
But this is the one that has really got me thinking:
Why would a blind man look at the screen of an ipod to check the battery level when it stops playing? Hmmm.
You may have heard of the Star Wars Uncut web site, a project where loads of people are contributing 15 seconds each to a re-make of the sci-fi classic.
You might have amused yourself by browsing at some of the inventive clips that have already been uploaded.
You might even have reserved one of the sections to have a crack at yourself.
But did you decide to pay homage to the critical scene 247 (arrival at the remains of Alderaan), by invoking the spirit of David Lynch directing a re-make of The Specials "Ghost Town" video, dubbed into French - starring Amy Winehouse, Woody Allen, Adolf Hitler and a trans-gender Gallic pensioner?
To be honest, “Diary” is pushing it a bit - this is the before and after tale of Kate going to “bust” some “moves” at the local dance class - Can you guess how well it went?
It is stunningly difficult to get your head round the creationist belief that the earth is actually only about ten thousand years old.
Despite the weight of scientific and cultural evidence lurking about, fundamentalist Christians reckon that the best way to work out the age of the planet (and indeed everything else) is to do a bit of a "Who do you think you are?" style genealogy of all the characters in the bible.
Here is a clip of Bill Hicks explaining why this is such bollocks. The main thrust of his thesis being a lack of discussion about dinosaurs in the bible.
But it now seems that some bright spark at the Creation Museum in Kentucky has had a bit of a think about this and has decided that if the evidence doesn't seem to support their position, then they better damn well present a version of events that does.
Visitors to their marvellous facility will now clearly leave convinced that man and dinosaur must have co-existed, otherwise why would there be an exhibit in a museum of a Triceratops with such a nifty leather saddle?
