My letter to the chairman of Coventry City Football Club explaining who the new manager should have been
Are you American? Can you be sure? Take this test leaked from the Pentagon to be sure of your national identity…
Not really as controversial as the title may lead you to believe
Is it all getting too much? Has your Red Bull lost its fizz?
All the fun of the gents in your local from the comfort of your PC screen.
paper-jam’s foreign correspondent enjoying the high life in Sydney, sort of.
Stop the madness, save the kids, surely the NSPCC should do something about this.
Bereft of original ideas, this year will see a new spate of cinematic remakes…
Apparently the weather is awful in Australia. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
The start of the paper-jam quest to identify the most overrated band of all time…
Slightly happier than the last one, but only a bit. Would you take your shopping with you to a job interview?
paper-jam’s London correspondent Helen meets an odious man named Julian, who she hates so much you could power a medium-sized market town off the strength of her hatred.
Tonight Matthew, my brother Colin and I will throw our scout-leader’s uniforms to one side and become.... 2 Live Crew
The route to spiritual enlightenment by absolving all responsibility for your life to Amazon.co.uk recommendations.
His website is www.ggates.co.uk. It made us laugh, anyway. We have other, far better pop stars....
Having got all hot under the collar about overrated bands it seemed like a good idea to balance up the yin-yang with some positive noises about underrated bands.
Having now turned into a complete hippy Vanessa (with long suffering Garry in tow) is doing the whole Mad Max bit round the outback in a van disguised as a cow.
Do you want to live in Camden? Do you have the urge to force your musical taste on the youth of the country, read on…
She’s off to sea and spewing for Britain..... I wish my life was that exciting. I just sit in a small, dark room typing these things in, listening to the sound of my bitter tears as they splash off the keyboard, sob.
paper-jam moves desperately into the realms of fiction with this, not (entirely) autobiographical, fable. Warning to those of a nervous disposition - this feature contains swearing, references to bodily functions and extremely poor sentence construction.
Call me a convert. Or a pervert. But despite falling out of the 19-25 pop age bracket, I’m finding that pop is great again. Don’t know whether it’s my age (I just don’t care anymore), or whether it’s more my thing now. Maybe you can help.
In this exciting episode, Vanessa has problems involving her ring and a load of sand - Ouch! Plus she discovers the ((bracket)) keys on the keyboard.
In which brother Jim W goes to Prague, and is impressed by more than just the cheap beer. Although he did like that.
A sorry tale involving alcoholism, gambling and ripping off dutch people. Oh dear.
Oh yes, it is fun to take the piss out of sore Australian losers, as paper-jam’s pint size antipodean correspondent has been finding out.
How have they ended up in such interesting places? How did they get there? Who cares really?
Warning, this feature contains an extremely disturbing image involving innocent young people apparently being corrupted by a man in a leather shirt. Squirm as he takes advantage of their awe at his huge wealth, fame and stories about Bouncer.
It’s been my birthday, and I’ve had no shit presents. It’s a miracle or something. Plus I’ve taken some pictures of what appears to be an Atomic Kitten’s pants. Hmm.
It is the review introduction, no-one cares
Chris Morris short film about a man and his friend’s dog who is also a lawyer.
A rip roaring, roller coaster ride of smart one liners and feelgood sing-along showtunes
Not for me propping up the bar trying to look cool. I was down the front pogoing and roaring like a twat. Like a twat.
Back after ages and ages, and I’ve been dying for them to release something new, Broadcast return with a spooky six track ep.
First missive from paper-jams’s SARS dodging foreign correspondent finds Dave Gorman playing Sydney Opera House
A bit like going to school in Stoke-On-Trent I imagine, only with better haircuts.
Devouring the beats, pissing rhymes and dumping on all the other MCs from a great height - Gold Chains brings his hip-hop-mod-glitch-ambient-punk-electro-jitter-noise super soul revue to the UK and Europe.
Crikey, that bit with the hoover looks painful.
Even on a Sunday, he turns it out - the man of the moment GC rocks it like no other can, despite the near unrockable audience…
Tony Wilson’s book of the film of his record company. Really very poor indeed.
Our man Jim W manages to find something to do in Birmingham of an evening - stalk Mira & Helen of Ladytron at the ultra-pretentious Medicine Bar…
Not nearly as bad as you may have been informed, shit sex/dancing scene though…
They weren’t playing anywhere near us, so Birmingham-based soundtrack/60s French pop-inspired Broadcast force us to travel to London to see them…
Sexed-up, sweaty, self-aggrandising electro-R&B man with a moustache Har Mar Superstar came to Coventry recently, leaving us all feeling just a bit unclean. As though we’d been tampered with. And there’s pictures, too…
Bored, and in need of some disco dancing, we travel to Nottingham for some electro-punk-trash action.
Seeking objectivity, paper-jam uses scientific methods to ascertain the worth of the ‘head’s latest.
Cool cyberpunk author goes all present-day on us. Look out - here comes the Michelin Man.
A breakdancing, lo-fi mixture of Tom Jones and Ron Jeremy with the moves of a portly Justin Timberlake, pocket sized sex dynamo Har Mar gyrates in front of a sweaty and up for it Nottingham crowd.
Action-packed dystopian movie could be a conceptual masterpiece..... or just a bit average. Warning: This review may contain minor spoilers and at least one mention of Brian Conley.
Carrying the distinct whiff of novelty about them, can Detroit discorockers Electric Six satisfy a really dodgy looking Coventry crowd?
Our new favourite artist, George Shaw uses unusual paints to render stunningly detailed suburban landscapes
Keep the volume control handy for this excellent European heist movie. With Nick Nolte on excellent and indistinct form.
Highly anticipated record coming out soon on Rough Trade, it should be distributed by pfizer and sold in Boots.
B&S throw fey indie music to one side and come out with the sound of armageddon, imagine the KLF turned up to 11. Only joking - it is business as usual, not bad at all though.
Ho-hum never mind at least the first one was good. This review doesn’t really contain any spoiler for all you sensitive people who don’t want this weak film ruined any more than it already is.
Film involving a bunch of unpleasant sarcastic bastards. I thought it was ace. Mostly.
Ultra-cool waltz-time space-pop heroes return to Birmingham for their final gig of the year.