Paperjam

Exclusive interview with CCFC chairman Joe Elliott

Sport // Jim // 12th October 2007

Paper Jam: Mr. Elliott, can we be the first to congratulate you on your appointment as Chairman of Coventry City

Joe Elliott: Thank you, very much. I am very proud to be taking on this role, albeit under difficult circumstances.

PJ: You mean the current financial predicament of the club.

JE: Well yes, of course that too. Thing is I was off for a few weeks in the sun – top up the tan – that’s gone for a burton now, the wife is furious…

PJ: Quite. Well I suppose the first thing that people want to know is this: Is the club in imminent danger of going into administration?

JE: Absolutely, categorically not…

PJ: Really? That is good news.

JE: …depending on exactly how you are defining the word “imminent”. I’d say we are definitely a going concern for at least the next twenty-seven [checks watch] well let’s say twenty-four minutes.

PJ: Oh. So the bank are applying a bit of pressure then are they?

JE: Not really, no more than the average Guantanamo Bay interrogation squad. Which for commercial bankers is pretty mild.

PJ: Are all of the potential investors now withdrawn from the process?

JE: Not at all we have several very interesting offers from some very interesting parties, including some intriguing overseas investors.

PJ: What, Russian Oil Oligarchs? Corrupt far-east billionaires? That bloke out of Westlife and Eddie Jordan?

JE: Errr, no.

PJ: Well, who then?

JE: I’m not at liberty to say. But let’s put it this way, if one of the deals I’m working on comes off, we’ll be picking up a few more fans in North-Korea.

PJ: Oh dear, I’m not sure I like the sound of that.

JE: It is just one of several potential suitors, illustrating the depth of competitive tendering that is interested in investing in this great club.

PJ: So, there is nothing to worry about?

JE: Absolutely. My message to all the fans out there is this: Don’t panic. We are working very hard to secure the best deal for Coventry City with the right investor to take the club forward. But, just in case, I would ask all true sky blues to grab hold of anything that isn’t bolted to the floor, get it down to Cash Converters asap and send me the proceeds.

PJ: Oh.

JE: How old are you?

PJ: Errr, Thirty Two

JE: Do you drink a lot of water? I can get good money for a healthy kidney you know, I’ve got contacts… [starts to peruse mobile phone]

PJ: Right, well it sounds like things aren’t going too well. What contingency plans are in place if the club were to become insolvent?

JE: I’ve already started the process of protecting our key assets

PJ: The players?

JE: Exactly, Iain Dowie and I have had a very productive meeting where I have assured him that we will completely ring-fence certain key members of the playing staff from sale even if the worst was to happen and we were somehow to slip into administration.

PJ: Well, that sounds encouraging…

JE: Yes, I can guarantee that the bulk of the under-12 girls team is going absolutely no-where. Those girls are this club’s future.

PJ: Oh dear…

JE: Look, don’t worry. The board have plenty of innovative ideas to keep cash flowing into the club. We’re doing no holds barred Page vs Doyle re-match at the Skydome next week, then we are entering Stephen Hughes and Elliot Ward in one of those mad hot-dog eating competitions, first prize is ten grand. Tell me that’s not nailed on! Wednesday evening we’re doing a celebrity dwarf tossing evening at the Ricoh with Mifsud, Tabb and Thornton as the ammunition. Plus every other night in Spon End, the sky blue crew-

PJ: I DON’T WANT TO KNOW!

JE: No, err, right. Absolutely not. Terrible business [whispering] …but just in case you’re into it… [whispering even quieter] …the elephant is absolutely filthy.

PJ: Joe Elliott, thank you for your time.

JE: No problem at all. Wait! Is that loose change I can hear jangling in your pocket? How do you feel about joining the board? Come back!