Hail to the Thief by Radiohead
Music // Jim // 3rd July 2003
Hypothesis to test: That the new Radiohead album is not very good
Subject: Tommy; an eight year old boy who lists his interests as football and bicycles. Tommy has yet to form any real opinions about music and therefore will give a clear, unbiased view on the recording in question.
Methodology: Tommy will be strapped into a chair and have the Radiohead album “Hail to the Thief” played directly at his face, his reactions will be monitored throughout. To provide some form of control, various popular recordings were played and Tommy’s responses were noted:
“ Walking On Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves
Tommy: “I like this it’s bouncy”
Control Result: Positive, score +1
“Tiny Tears” by Tindersticks
Tommy: (loudly) “Boring, boring - he sounds silly”
Control Result: Ambiguous, score none
“Rid of me” by PJ Harvey
Tommy: “I’m scared, I don’t like girls”
Control Result:Negative, score -1
Results: Playback started at 14:05 precisely
| Track: “2+2+5” “ Is your CD player broken?” “ That was good, it was loud” (laughs) |
Score +1 Overall Score 1 |
|
| Track: “Sit Down. Stand Up” (waggling head) “This is like from an advert” |
Score +1 Overall Score 2 |
|
| Track: “Sail to the Moon” (asleep, woken with a small electric shock) “Oww, where am I?” |
Score 0 Overall Score 2 |
|
| Track: “Backdrifts” (kicking legs against chair) “This is poo, ha, ha, ha” |
Score -1 Overall Score 1 |
|
| Track: “Go to Sleep” (seems distracted) “What is the man saying? ... I like David Beckham” |
Score 0 Overall Score 1 |
|
| Track: "Where I End and You Begin" “I want my mummy, I’m scared” |
Score -1 Overall Score 0 |
|
| Track: “We Suck Young Blood” “Is the man alright? He sounds sad, I like clapping my hands too” |
Score 0 Overall Score 0 |
|
| Track: “The Gloaming” “Stop it, I don’t like it, I don’t like it” (starts crying) |
Score -1 Overall Score -1 |
|
| Track: “There, There” (cheering up) “I like this it’s brill, can I have a biscuit?” (Note: several members of staff can be seen nodding heads, tapping feet and generally “enjoying” this specific track) |
Score +1 Overall Score 0 |
|
| Track: “I Will” (singing) “Boring, boring, everyone is snoring” |
Score 0 Overall Score 0 |
|
| Track “A Punch-up at a Wedding” “Can I go home now?" |
Score 0 Overall Score 0 |
|
| Track “Myxamatosis” “ The music is making my teeth hurt. My rabbit died, I miss him” (starts crying again) |
Score -1 Overall Score -1 |
|
| Track “Scatterbrain” “ I’m thinking of painting my bedroom black when I get home” |
Score 0 Overall Score -1 |
|
| Track “A Wolf at the Door” (loudly, laughing) “He said a rude word, he said a rude word” |
Score +1 Overall Score 0 |
Conclusion: The hypothesis cannot be proved or dismissed; with an overall
score of zero of the results are unclear, the album itself could best be described
as average.
We hear that Tommy has taken down his David Beckham posters and has indeed
painted his bedroom black, for some reason he refuses to change his underpants
and has not left his room for three weeks.
Comments
Amusing review, but was it really an eight year old?
Radiohead kicks bootie!
jason : 05/11/2003 04:23:52
Yes, we have the pictures and the cardiograph readings…
Jim : 07/11/2003 18:12:37