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Happy New Year?

Rant // Vanessa // 4th January 2005

It's something most people have a feeble attempt at, but forget when the hangover kicks in the next morning. But why do we bother? Why are New Year's resolutions such a fashion statement?

I’m going to lose weight, I'm going to stop moaning, I'm going to work harder, I'm going to be more positive, I'm going to try and keep in touch with my old friends (ah ha! Caught you out there, I've made that one before too...)

I'll tell you why they are a waste of time even thinking about, because when they are made, people are usually drunk, in which case you can ignore them..or they are pretending to be a new person for the new year, which is stupid because they attempt to be different at least once a year around this time.

New year fireworks: Ooooooh, aaaaaaaah

Take losing weight as an example. If you like to dunk a biscuit or 10 in your tea, then why break a habit of a lifetime? And why wait until the New Year? If you can restrain yourself at Christmas, then the rest of the year will be a dodd l e. Don't buy biscuits and sweets when you go shopping, and definitely don't say you've been bad, and then gorge yourself on anything you can lay your hands on, then moan you’ve put on 10 pounds. To be honest, I stopped caring when you said you wanted to lose weight, because I just didn't believe you.

And the moaning thing, I have a wonderful mother-in-law. The sweetest woman in the world who can't do enough for her family. But she does like a good moan and she admits it. But she did make the mistake of saying she was going to stop in the new year. And what did she do, two days into the new year? Moan about the bin men, moan about the miserable shop assistants, moan about the dentist and moan about not having enough time to do the housework. I do sympathise - for the first five minutes. Then I feel sorry for the bin men. They have the crappiest job in the world (well, almost. It's got to be a bugger if you're sweeping the streets of Essex after a Saturday night), and they get moaned at for forgetting to pick up a bag of tin cans.

I have to agree wholeheartedly about the miserable shop keepers, because if they hate their job, go and work in a factory, clean the toilets or work in McDonald's where people don't have to look at you (or understand your misery). But don't stand behind a counter with a face like a slapped arse and expect people to spend money and give you a tip.

The resolution about being positive is a good one, because if you're not naturally positive, then you' re in for one miserable year, telling yourself off for not being positive and smacking everyone around you who is because they find it so easy... and they're smug buggers.

The one I'm guilty of most of all is the keeping in touch with old friends. It usually happens when you meet up with someone from uni or school, or an old job, and you swear on your lives that no matter what happens, you will all meet up once a month, have a girly night, chat, drink chardonnay and be best friends. After that night, you call one person once, have a whinge when they don't call you back for four days, then never hear from them again. The warm glow of lifelong friendship fades away and you're left wondering what you all had in common anyway... until you see them again and you make the same promises again, only this time you're slightly more bitter and bitchy than last time.

But it's this resolution that will never change. And it's the one resolution that comes at any time of the year. I have a feeling I'm due for one later this month, when some friends I saw for the first time in 8 months only two months ago, are due to come and visit me. After that, I'll promise to visit in the spring, and New Year 2006 will smack me in the face and I'll realise that I haven't even called them. Oh well, if we're all such good mates, they won't mind...

Happy New Year
x

PS: Frustrated husband (who decided his resolution was to be more positive), has just informed me that the point of New Year's Resolutions is having the challenge and trying to succeed. To question the point of New Year's Resolutions represents the lowering state of self esteem and the willpower of our nation's people, where everyone complains about the point of New Year's Resolutions, rather than sticking to them. And by the way, two days of mum not moaning was a record and one not to be sniffed at.

So there !