Paperjam

Letter from Australia 6

Travel // Vanessa // 18th October 2003

And so the weary traveller takes a moment and decides that Melbourne is, in fact, a wondrous city. Apart from the fact that it is still bloody cold and being in a city is nowhere near as much fun as driving through the desert in sweltering heat, nearly running over a 6ft roo or even seeing the frustrated husband being sunburnt to a crisp, Melbourne is ... beautiful.

It is, if you can imagine it, even more relaxed than Sydney (which had a very commendable work to live and definitely not live to work policy), with so much more to do than just go to Bondi Beach and watch the macho surfers strutting their stuff.

It has even inspired me to attend a World Cup rugby match between England and Samoa (I may even drink beer afterwards!)

The last jaunt of our Aussie travels between Airlie Beach on the sunny Queensland Coast and Melbourne was eventful to say the least. The most memorable (and potentially divorce-inducing) moment happened on the world's largest sand island, Fraser Island. Now, some might say that showing my fellow traveller my white bits isn't a crime, but when that white bit is the narrow band of flesh underneath the sacred wedding ring, and the ring slips off...and sinks in the soft sand dunes that surround Lake Wabby, it could constitute as a crime to the guy who paid for it.

Just to give you a mental picture, Lake Wabby looks very much like the lost oasis in the middle of a very dry and sandy desert. Not a flat sandy desert, but hills of sandy desert.

The frustrated husband did well to keep his cool and we promptly organised a search party (the seven other poor bastards that had the misfortune of sharing our four wheel drive Fraser adventure), and after nearly half and hour of sifting through the finest sand on earth (and on the verge of giving up...the words did escape my mouth) the ring was found and all was well.

The husband's lecture that followed was along the lines of "if you want to show people your white bits in future, show them your tits..." We got a bit pissed out of relief that night.

So on to Bundaberg. Home of the famous Bundaberg Rum (It is a heaven-sent drink) and the cheapest scuba diving in Australia (I am sure).
What possessed me to don a smelly, ill-fitting wetsuit and try and breathe through a dummy in my mouth is beyond me, but it was one of the best things I have ever done. I'll probably never do it again, but it was the most fascinating part of Oz.

The four-day course (two training days in the pool and two out on the artificial reef in the sea), left me aching after the first few hours and continued for several weeks afterwards. Thankfully dishy Denis Dyer and jolly Justin were very patient instructors and got me through the impossible task of staying in one place.When a wetsuit - despite many layers of wetsuit - doesn't fit, the weight belt is either too heavy or too light and the buoyancy jacket too big, you have quite a bit of trouble just staying put underwater...I tended to float straight back to the surface while the others sniggered as best they could through their regulators. I also thought I was beyond the age of holding my teachers hand in case I was blown off mountain tops etc, but to my dismay (only slightly though!) I was holding the teacher's hand again 17 metres under the sea so I could move (the water pressure is so great I was flipping my fins like mad but not actually getting anywhere).

Thanks to them, and frustrated husband who helped me through by being very proud of me, I got to see some of the world's most amazing creatures. Thousands of fish of all colours, shapes and sizes (some were bigger than me), including the boxfish (my nickname thanks to Justin, apparently the boxfish is a small, dozy fish that swims around without much clue as to where it is going and probably what it is.)

Glad to say I passed and am now a qualified Open Water diver. Not bad for someone who hates swimming in the sea!

So next stop New Zealand (after some well-earned sessions in Melbourne, cultural and arts capital of the world, the most livable city etc etc...). Wonder what's gonna happen there...