Paperjam

Nick Rants About... Christmas

Rant // Nick // 20th December 2004

Heh hoh and a nonny nonny.

Christmas spirit is running high, along with the national debt. All across the land children are waiting with worringly venal anticipation that Santa Father will deliver the latest Playstation gorefest or 3G phone with built in video messaging*. Santa Mother is frantically trying to remember the three hundred friends and relatives Santa Father will have forgotten, and to create the Perfect Christmas Dinner ®. Santa Granny and Grandad (1) are busy wrapping small presents in big boxes to excite and disappoint the kids in equal measures. Santa Granny and Grandad (2) are spending too much to outdo the son-in-law who their daughter married beneath her. In the meantime all the other people without kids are wondering what all the fuss is about, why it takes half and hour longer to get to work and why they suddenly have thirty four nephews and nieces they never knew about draining their bank accounts.

All the same I am in good fettle. I could even cope with carol or two. As long as it isn't 'Away in a Manger', as that's crap. How saccharine is 'The little Lord Jesus laid down His sweet head' as a line? And as for 'Him' not crying when he's in a stable surrounded by the general noise and smell of a farmyard barn - poetic licence I think.

Anyway, I digress.

I am laying all my Christmas bugbears and bugaboos to rest and am going to enjoy it this time around by dint of being around 36000ft above Kazakhstan on the way to Australia when I'd normally be watching the Queens speech (or more likely a Bond re-run). So I'd like to extend Christmas joy, indeed even a cheesy 'Feliz Navidad' to everyone around in the knowledge that I'm avoiding the whole slightly flaccid peak of celebrations. OK, so if that hasn't convinced you I'm a miserable old misanthrope nothing
will ;o)

To paraphrase / mutate Arab Strap, I'm happiest when I'm moaning, 'coz it
kickstarts my seratonin.

* Note - only works in the Manhattan and Tokyo metropolitan areas.
® - Registered trade mark of Marks and Spencer

Santa has really let himself go lately...