Paperjam

“Daddy’s Swinging in the Attic”

Steve:

Doesn’t sound too bad actually.

Jim:

Better than what I was expecting. Much better.

James:

Sounds like the Stooges.

Helen:

(reading press release) “The proof is in the pudding?” Where’s the pudding? I want pudding. Is it stuck?

Steve:

MP3s don’t stick. Well actually…

Jim:

Yeah it does on my computer. Ah I get it – he was swinging in the attic, and now he’s dead. Sounds like Mark E. Smith a bit

Helen:

I was thinking of the Fall.

Steve:

Is that this decades’ person to impersonate? You’ve got James Murphy [LCD Soundsystem] as well…

“Whore Whore”

James:

Like a heavier Fall. Industrial estate.

Jim:

If you listen carefully you can hear him sacking the bass player half-way through, “go on fuck off!”. Also you can hear him chatting up the keyboard player – “stick with me love, I’ll sort you out…”

Steve:

I’m quite surprised.

“She’s the pill that makes me want to say”

Jim:

Not as good as “Daddy’s swinging in the attic” in terms of titles.

James:

Sounds a bit like he’s trying to sing in an American accent too much.

Helen:

It sounds very live. It’s a Strokes-y sort of vocal effect isn’t?

Jim:

It’s all recorded live.

“What we lost in the process” and “Visceral path”

Helen:

Good name.

Jim:

Black head. Plural. Like a group of them.

Steve:

It’s not head though is it?

Helen:

No. it’s a saying. for example, my bete noir is reversing round a corner.

Steve:

It’s dull. That vaguely melodic 90s indie-ish. It’s like every other shit band you see in Coventry of a week. Sounds pretty weak, doesn’t have the raw power.

Helen:

Like the Lemonheads. He sounds really tinny.

Jim:

The other chap had a bit of a yelp to him.

Neil:

Reminds me of being in the sixth form

James:

Reminds me of bad Nirvana.

“My political friend”

Jim:

This one sounds better. A bit Pavement-y. Or Tarmac-y.

Steve:

What sort of road-covering is it?

Jim:

Bitumen.

James:

Sounds a bit like Swervedriver. The vocals are bad.

Steve:

Slightly jangly, inoffensive.

Jim:

This was better before he started singing.

Helen:

The verse is more catchy than the chorus. Swap the chorus with the verse. But then it doesn’t go anywhere.

Steve:

So ok, they should get rid of the singer, and the songwriter… what’s left?

”It’s no guilty pleasure”

(odd Bowie-esque voice emanates from the speakers – everyone starts doing cockernee Bowie impressions : “Eowh!”)

Steve:

James is our resident Bowie expert..

(much screaming “no I am” etc..)

Jim:

I’m very entertained by this. I’ve just got this image of this one bloke who’s only job on stage is that he comes on, puts a rubber glove on, shoves his finger up the singer’s arse, and he plays him… like a theremin.

Steve:

Magazine?

James:

No. More like Johnny Rotten.

Jim:

… with a finger up his arse. That’s summed them up. They are called the Empty Vessels, aren’t they?

“Into the well”

Steve:

This one sounds less fun.

(yet more Bowie impersonations from the panel)

Jim:

Is he going to start screaming in a minute?

Steve:

Needs to explode.

Helen:

Yeah, it’s got to hasn’t it. It’s not really going anywhere..

Jim:

Nah, I’m sick of this.

Steve:

That last one was great,  but this one is bollocks.

(skips track)

“Monkey”

(lead singer goes “I’m gonna be a Monkey / Monkey, monkey, monkey” )

Steve:

Where’s he from? Are the drugs strong round there?

Jim:

He’s from the zoo. The label knows very little about them.

Steve:

Probably want to keep it that way as well.

Jim:

They are, in quotes, “A reaction against the factory-farm noise that fills the airwaves like fungus”. Daddy P9, firmly stated that Empty Vessels "...sound like a poor mans Stump, fronted by the drugged sleaze-child of David motherfucking Essex.”

(lead singer starts yelping and screaming.)

Jim:

If he was at a Real Madrid game he’d get thrown out now.

Steve:

The lead singer sounds bored now, you can tell.

“Heavy Sedative”

Jim:

I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

Steve:

Bit Nirvana-y.

Helen:

Very “Bleach”

Steve:

It makes me tired this sort of thing, if I saw them live I’d just be drained.

Jim:

…but it does sound like he might be quite entertaining live.

Steve:

There’s another two minutes of this.

(skips track)

“Faultline”

Steve:

Is this my first grunge band? When I was playing the tenor horn, I had a book called “A tune a day”… I reckon they’ve got the same thing for grunge bands.

Jim:

They’ve got a care in the community case for a singer. Get in Mad Eric, take his muzzle off.

Jim:

Do you know what this bloke’s done? He’s put it in reverse order of quality. It makes him look good, because “Daddy’s swinging in the attic” is by far the best track. If anything I’d swap it round and have it the order we’ve played them, because people won’t get to the end.

Steve:

The rule of any demo is to put your best songs at the start. This isn’t strictly a demo but it still holds…

“Bleeding shins”

Jim:

I’m getting bored of Salvo now.

Neil:

Bleeding Shins? I thought you said chins.

Jim:

“While my chin gently weeps”. That would have been so much better.

Helen:

There’s no variation.