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Some thoughts I had during Knocked Up

Film // Jim // 28th August 2007

Saw the trailer for Knocked Up a while back. “That looks funny,” I thought, in a big italicised thought bubble, “oh its from the creators of 40 Year-Old Virgin, that actually was quite funny, I must remember to go and see it.”

Dash forward several months and I meet the Ashurst sisters (a bit like the Mitford sisters except that they aren’t dead, there’s only two of them and the communist/fascist division isn’t quite so clearly defined) at the gleaming monument to modern cinematic entertainment known as the Leamington Apollo cinema.

In what seemed like the seven or eight hours that followed while we were watching the film a lot of thoughts crossed my mind, chiefly, “Oh dear, this isn’t very funny” then “Oh dear, this isn’t very good” and finally “Oh dear, this is total fucking shite”. Other ponderings also included:

“Is that a very loud phone or a very quiet nightclub?”

"That bloke looks like Dave in a curly wig"

“Ha ha, Martin Scorsese on cocaine – very good”

“Why is the woman down the front screaming with laughter, nothing that funny is going on, has she just received a particularly good text message?”

“Oh no, its not going to go all pro-life is it?”

“This Seth Rogan bloke is more one note to than one of those little glockenspiels that they give to the kids who are particularly remedial at music that only have one note on them. He’s got some good t-shirts though.”

“Little kids saying ‘Penis’ truly is comic gold, much as it was in Kindergarten Cop”

“Jesus, this is actually a bit dull”

“If one of the main jokes/plot points in this film is about being obsessed with tits in films how come she’s kept her bra on all the time, even when she’s having sex. I don’t understand. Are they making a point? Oh hang on, I don’t care.”

“Harold Ramis is going to need a bit of work if they are planning on doing Ghostbusters 3”

“When is Paul Rudd going to start being in good films again?”

“Yeah, keep banging on about Spiderman 3 all the time, that’s not a nasty marketing tactic that will age about as well as the kid out of Diff’rent Strokes”

“The soundtrack to this film is so fucking twee that it makes the work of James Blunt sound like Napalm death”

“Worst tripping scene ever, worse than Easy Rider”

“Oh here we go, Steve Carrell’s appeared… Nope. That bit was strangely unfunny too”

“I’m definitely getting DVT here”

“Actually that joke from the bouncer about the midget was quite good”

“How the fuck has this dull chick flick with swearing and mild drug references got such good reviews? I’ve lost what little respect I had left for Empire magazine”

“I can’t take much more of this, if we have another assertive moment in a hospital corridor or a life lesson about growing up and being responsible I might have to set fire to myself, in a desperate bid provide some form of excitement”

“Oh fucking yes, baby pictures as the closing credits. Great.”