Paperjam

Street Dance Diary

Sport // Kate // 27th August 2009

19:15 Tuesday 18th Aug
Am sat eating spicy chicken pittas contemplating what my first experience of street dancing will be like. Since I booked the class a few days ago, I’ve received a mixed response from family and friends – ranging from chuckling, giggling and snorting to downright hysterical laughter.

So why, at the age of 313⁄4 am I putting myself through this?
a) It has always been a life long ambition of mine to be a cheerleader – this is the closest thing I could find
b) I really need to lose some weight having had child number 2 – I can’t diet as I love my food too much

It’s called Adult Streetdancing, which hopefully means that everyone will be at least 18, as opposed to “Adult” Streetdancing in the x-rated, scantily clad, bump n grinding, pole greasing sense.

I shall generalise on the 2 types of people I am guessing will be attending:
1. Early twenties, very fit, good looking, tanned Cheryl Cole look-alikes
2. Early to mid thirties, chubby Bridget Jones types trying to recapture their youth and backside all in one go

I’m assuming you have all guessed by this point which category I fit snugly into.

So, I’ve donned my grey jogging bottoms (oh, so trendily cut off mid-calf) and my black maternity T-shirt (it minimises the bulges on display) and ordered a Fry’s Turkish Delight from my husband for when I return.

21:35 Tuesday 18th Aug
Am sat sweating ever so slightly post-streetdancing class and I have learned a number of things about myself this evening:
1. I can’t dance
2. I don’t know my left from my right
3. I wobble a lot when I move
4. I have no rhythm
5. The black top I thought hid my bulges…. doesn’t
6. Mid-calf grey jogging bottoms are a bad idea
7. I really can’t dance

My co-dancers were a very mixed bunch – a couple of guys, most of them at least 5 years younger than me, all shapes and sizes. I shall stop there…. people in glass houses and all that.

The tutor was so busy admiring her perfect physique in the mirrors that she seemed to totally forget there was a class full of eejits behind her looking like we were trying to get into the Guiness Book of Records for the largest number of people having a simultaneous epileptic fit.

I think I could have managed the routine if it wasn’t so bloody fast. Just so you know, we were dancing to the Pussycat Dolls Jai Ho! (The exclamation mark is part of the song title – I didn’t think it was remotely funny). Watch the video of their dancing on YouTube and you’ll understand my difficulty.

So my dreams of becoming a cheerleader have been shattered, but I will persevere and have foolishly booked myself in for next week. (Edit: 26th August 2009. After considerable thought, I cancelled it and shall never return!).

After an entire hour of totally humiliating myself in front of a mirror, the Turkish Delight is back in the drawer and I’m stumping up £40 for a Wii EA Sports Active Personal trainer instead. At least now I can humiliate myself in the privacy of my own home.