Paperjam

The man behind me should run CCFC

TV // Jim // 7th April 2003

To:
Mr M McGinnity
Chairman, Coventry City Football Club

Dear Mr McGinnity

I am writing to you on a matter of great urgency, while I was as pleased as any true city fan to see the return of Gary McAllister to the Sky Blues as player/manager I can’t but help feel that there has been a costly oversight. You see there was an even better coach available (at what I can only imagine would be a reasonable price) and he was right under your nose at Highfield Road the whole time.

I am talking of course of the man who sits behind me (hereafter known as TMWSBM).

Having listened to him for half a season I have come to the conclusion that this man is clearly a footballing genius, allow me to present my case:

- Reading of the game: Intuitive to the point of prescience, after several goals we have conceded I have heard him state that he knew that it was going to happen! if only Macca and the boys had the benefit of this kind of foresight the city defence would certainly tighten up a bit!

- Tactical intuition: Frightening in its accurate assessment of all that goes on in the course of the game TMWSBM is constantly letting everyone lucky enough to sit within earshot know exactly what City should do at any given moment. He is even able to offer on-the-fly coaching advice to the players, if only Dean Holdsworth had heard TMWSBM telling him to shoot at exactly the right moment last week he would almost certainly have scored.

- Communication skills: While clearly a man of letters, TMWSBM is not afraid to let fly with some more “industrial” language when his sharply honed sense of psychology determines that the stick is needed rather than the carrot. The club stewards would do well to remember that the term “shower of shite” was probably used by the likes of Shankley and Clough occasionally, and I bet a bloke in a fluorescent tabard didn’t tell them to sit down and shut up.

- Player motivation: During the course of one particular game TMWSBM was not happy with the commitment being shown by Jay Bothroyd. “Move your fucking arse Bothroyd, you lazy fucking twat” he suggested. Later in the game the mercurial striker scored with a clinical finish. Coincidence? I think not!!!

I hope this has convinced you that this man should be moved immediately to the dug out from where he can command operations and lead us back into the premiership where, he certainly believes, we belong.

Yours Sincerely

Jim