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Things to do while watching The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen

Film // Jim // 1st March 2004

You pour yourself a drink, settle down in front of the TV and press PLAY on the remote, The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen begins to wend its soporific way across the screen. Three minutes later you are fidgeting and stifling a yawn, you need something to occupy your brain while this completely un-extraordinary film does its best to lull you into a coma. Well we’ve taken one for the team and provided this quiz for you to do in an attempt to keep the electrical activity in your brain at a life-sustaining level. the answers are at the bottom. No peeking!

Question 1.
If you were sat in a colonial gentleman’s club in the middle of Africa, during a very hot-looking day and you had a log fire roaring in the hearth, should you be allowed to make droll jokes about how damn hot Africa is?

Question 2.
Hasn’t the invisible man got any pubes?

Question 3.
When was the last time Sean Connery wasn’t in a film that you could smell from half a mile away?

Question 4.
Wasn’t Tom Sawyer a kid who hung around with a tramp, whitewashed fences and was scared of his auntie?

Question 5.
Why is Mr Hyde so upset after he changes from Dr Jekyll?

Question 6.
Can you count how many people Connery has planted the old Glasgow Kiss on by now?

Question 7.
Why were all the people behind the counter in Blockbuster laughing at you?

Question 8.
How loudly is Oscar Wilde revolving in his Paris grave when Dorian Gray makes the weak joke about “nailing” the vampire bird?

Question 9.
Did Alan Moore really have anything to do with this?

Question 10.
Will they use Jason Connery as the resurrected Quatermain in the sequel?

Scroll down for answers

Answer 1.
No, of course not you twat. Christ, how badly did Hemmings need the money?

Answer 2.
Tricky one this, his facial stubble is certainly visible and his head seems to be shaved, no other hair is visible though. Must be waxing regularly, unless that technological marvel Captain Nemo has put his work on the car, the submarine and missile to one side and had a crack at the formula for Immac.

Answer 3.
Either Indiana Jones or The Untouchables, every thing since has been total shite (yes, I am including The Rock in that wild generalisation). Best thing he ever did was The Hill, try and see it if you can.

Answer 4.
Yes he was, not a lot of two-handed gunplay involved if memory serves.

Answer 5.
Because despite of the fact that he has become a 10 foot tall, indestructible mass of muscle and seething murderous rage, he is still ginger.

Answer 6.
No more than an average night out drinking in Marbella probably.

Answer 7.
You should know the answer to that by now.

Answer 8.
Not loudly enough to distract the executors of his estate from counting all that lovely money.

Answer 9.
Fucking hell, I hope not. This after all is the man who wrote V for Vendetta and the completely unsurpassed Watchmen. Lets just hope he just looked the other way while another one of his great books was buggered relentlessly by Hollywood.

Answer 10.
Ho Ho, only joking, Good for morale you know. Expect a zombified/CGI Sean to come bounding out of his shallow grave if this instalment makes enough money.