Too old to go clubbing? : Articles : Paperjam

Too old to go clubbing?

Music // Jim // 19th May 2003

I've come to the conclusion that I am now definitely too old to ever go in a nightclub again (28) and have devised a quick questionnaire to help you decide whether it is time to commit clubbing euthanasia yourself.

1. Do you like to queue for half an hour to have your footwear critiqued by a man in a suit that doesn't fit?
A. yes
B. no

2. Do you think it is reasonable to pay someone £2 to lose your coat?
A. yes
B. no

3. How much do you think a bottle of beer is worth?
A. About £4, but I only drink Red Bull
B. About £1.50

4. Have you ever said any of the following:"Choooon", "Get us a TVR I'm off me tits" or "I had that before any of you had even heard it"
A. yes
B. no

5. When you buy clothes what is more important to you?
A. That it has D&G in huge letters on the front
B. That you don't look a complete wanker

6. What is speed garage?
A. Yesterday's news, Granddad
B. Something to do with Kwik-Fit

How did you do?
Mostly A's: Yes you are still a clubber, well done, go away.
Mostly B's: Oh dear, you aren't a clubber at all. You probably only have one set of speakers in the back of your car, spell tune with a "t" and find people who use the word "sorted" intensely embarassing.

Comments

Oh my god I am soooo old. I hate to admit it - being a “cool” Londoner and all (as if), but I scored mostly B’s, and I am totally in line with the description of a B as well - usually I have to lie to get a description that fits.

Well, I’m going to pack away all my dancing gear as I clearly won’t be needing them. Nights in with friends and a bottle of wine here I come. Clearly the changes made to my lifestyle will be huge!!

Sarah : 21/05/2003 04:29:39

Had a comment but it wouldn’t let me store it. Stupid computer.
In case anyone wondered, I’m a B

Sarah : 21/05/2003 04:30:27

Is this a result of Friday nights sesh Jim???

Just avoid Ocean!

I have always been a ‘b’....and proud of it.

Rob : 21/05/2003 12:30:33

It is the result of the last time I went to Leamington’s premier nightspot - the loud stereo in a shed experience that is Sugar. What a dump.

Jim : 21/05/2003 23:03:54

i’m clearly not ‘down’. what the fuck is TVR all about, do i live in a cave?

dave house : 12/06/2003 12:27:15

Tequila - Vodka - Red Bull

A drink designed for people with too much money

Jim : 12/06/2003 18:57:24

I have re-discovered my love of clubbing after someone at the weekend thought me and my friend Toni were 18 year olds! I could do with someone saying that to me every week.

mrs peel : 23/06/2003 22:08:13

revival for the elder clubers has begun new promotion called sauce in association with monnypenny?s is now looking at starting at wait for it yes beleive it or not the old optionsNew and improved and under new managment)

josh breslin : 10/04/2004 15:33:08

josh breslin : 10/04/2004 15:33:09

“Options” in Leamington?

Jesus

Jim : 11/04/2004 02:42:50

“Options” (never an option) has closed thank the heavens!

Matt Gorner : 01/06/2004 15:48:33

I think you missed a vital question out.
At midnight are you most likely to be:
a) still hogging the dance floor
b)fantasising about a cup of tea and your bed.

PS I guess that makes me a B. My clubbing days are more or less over. Apart from the occasional Wednesdays in Zappatas in Shanghai (ladies night) indulging in free margaritas. Was home just before midnight. Does that count as a night of clubbing?

julie : 28/09/2005 14:30:10

Oooh a cup of tea and bed. Unfortunately that has happened to me and I thought I would be a party animal forever. You know that you are losing it, however much you don’t want to, when the music is too loud, you don’t know any of the tunes and get excited when a song from your early twenties comes on, and when you can’t decide why people would want to cram into a night club that will leave you stinking of old dog and piss, shouting at the top of your voice so your friend can hear your comments on why young girls don’t wear clothes anymore.

Charlotte : 16/10/2005 15:23:20

“leaves you stinking of old dog and piss” is actually what the sign promises outside Rio’s in Leamington. I’ve heard.

Jim : 16/10/2005 16:15:25

Sounds ace Jim, I think I will go! I’ll take me slippers and a jar of PG Tips Instant with a flask of hot water as well. Then when it hits midnight I’m safe.

Charlotte : 16/10/2005 17:17:33

Can I come? Slippers and PG tips sounds like a great night! Though wearing slippers and drinking flasks of tea we may be mistaken for tramps or someones grandma. In Shanghai you would blend in perfectly though as pyjamas are worn during the day by lazy people.

Julie Alexander : 17/10/2005 13:54:53

I’m writing an article on thirty-something and still clubbing - i’m 33. My research so far has involved going to various trendy clubs in London, some of which have been particularly sweaty and nasty! However, as I have now become a DJ groupie - in love with a superstar DJ, am now lying about my age - down to 24 in a good light - and lovin it!

Nat : 19/10/2005 22:00:55

you need to send us that article or at least a link to testify@paper-jam.co.uk.Also does “good light” really mean “very dim light” or is it just the power of suggestion+alcohol that grants the power of eternal youth?

Jim : 19/10/2005 23:06:08

Also, what the fuck does a DJ groupie actually do? (Apart from the obvious)

Jim : 19/10/2005 23:57:47

They say you are never too old! I guess not but it is when you see all the other young ‘clubbers’ you think what the fuck am I doing here. On the odd chance I do still like to dance (and sweat) until hometime!

Beck : 20/10/2005 12:20:19

Last night I actually went out again. This time I was in a pub, pre clubbing. Anyway I left my slippers and my PG at home and braved the evening. But I should have followed my gut instincts, as whilst in the toilet, I heard a girl on the phone to her friend describing an argument she had had with another female that night. Our young telephone conversationalist stated that her argument had ended with the opposition stating that she was 26 and therefore too grown up for arguments of such a nature (about a boy I assume). Our young lady gleefully announced that she retaliated with “well if you are 26 you are too old to be out and should be at home anyway”. At this point I pulled up my incontinence pants, checked my pension book had not fallen out of my bag and went back down to the bar to drown my sorrows in a glass of white wine. Shortly after I returned home and had a nice cup of tea. Us 27 year olds should not be out after 8 pm clearly.

Charlotte : 30/10/2005 14:11:06

I think that clubbing can be fun when you are older, but I think being single helps. Glancing around and wondering if there is anyone snoggable definately makes it more fun. And then there’s all the gossip the next day.
At 29, nearly 30 I like a bit of a boogie still but I have to pick the right venue. Somewhere where I can get a decent glass of wine and rest my weary dancing feet.
Sometimes though I feel that a night out (when you get back before 12) isn’t worth the make-up (and the bloody hassle of taking it all off again at the end of the night)!! Think I am better off at home with my mackison and a DVD/book. Jim is very good at recommending novels if you need any inspiration! The best thing about an early night is feeling so virtuous in the morning, and actually having a weekend!

Julie : 11/11/2005 12:42:38

Im a male from Toronto Im turning 28 tomorrow. This site says 28 is old? Holy crow where has my life gone? Oh well Imma party till Im laid in a grave.

Dave : 21/12/2005 11:31:57

A all the way!

Shade : 09/01/2006 18:13:55

im 30 and i have not been out for ages.. mostly due to having kids.. but im proud to say i m still more B than A.. I’ve always though bouncers and cloack rooms attendants where .*&^%..and i rarley i never drank beer while i was out anyway ;)...although people in clubs do all look to young to be there these days /:

andy : 21/01/2006 20:42:30

I am 26 and am having an affair with a 27 year old girl called Zoe (shh...don’t tell mmy girlfriend)...but some of my mates are well into their thirties and they are much more hip than I am and party harder and longer than i do. In fact,they call me cinderella as usually i go home at midnight...NYE will be no exception but I am sure they will be out there til sunrise.....

Alex Taylor : 28/12/2007 09:19:15

Alex Taylor : 28/12/2007 09:19:16

Hi my name is Matt. I have two tickets for a Hed Kandi night in London for this coming NYE. However, I am still undecided as to whether or not to go. I am afraid people might think I am too old and that the bouncers may not let me in. I dont go out much anymore, I like to get home from work and sit in my flat in my pants waiting for my flat mate to come home. My hair is falling out and I get very tired about 9pm. I normally buy and sell music gig tickets in order to make some extra money because I have a boring job, in fact its by far the worst job of all my uni chums. I envy some of my work colleagues who seem to be out partying all the time. Does anyone have any ideas how I can get some energy back and any suggestions to help me feel a bit younger. Regaards.

Matthew Sutcliffe : 28/12/2007 09:27:06

I am 37 and went out last night to club de fromage in angel, london. I had a fabulous time - I mean, most of my friends are around 30 or less, and we all had a good time. Bouncer wouldn’t let us out to smoke (“you can only go after 1am” and then we had to wait for two people to come in so the two of us can go out), but all that was forgotten when I was dancing with my friends.
What does it mater how old are you? Obviously, I came to this website as I was searching on google how old is too old for clubbing, but now i think it doesn’t really matter - as long as you can enjoy it you do it.

prettydia : 27/01/2008 13:09:57

Paperjam