The
hand dryer which will fail to work and is quite likely to give you an electric
shock. If it is working it will have all the hand drying power of a wet tissue.
Dual
sinks with stubborn taps which will scald your hands or will eject water with
such force that it splashes all over your groin and makes it look like you've
pissed yourself.
A
soap dispenser which remains constantly empty and seems to have purely ornamental
value.
A
puddle of piss that will grow throughout the evening. If this soaks into your
trainers you will NEVER get the smell out. Has a strange yellow hue that seems
reminiscent of Stella Artois.
A
tarnished aluminum urinal. Will contain various fag ends for you to aim at and,
in a touching display of hygeine, blocks of green stuff which do absolutely
nothing at all exept smell slightly better than stale wee.
A
seemingly perfect toilet, but wait, the door will not close. Will probably be
used by pissed girly students when the queue for the ladies hits the one hour
mark.
Shit
absolutely everywhere, in the bowl, on the walls and on the floor. It seems
unfeasable that it could all have come out of one person, however don't stay
to investigate as the fumes can temporarily blind you.
An
evil trap for the unwary drinker. You settle down and drop a comfortable log.
AAaaarrrghhh no toilet paper. It's decision time, how attached are you to your
Armani boxer shorts?
Never,
ever buy condoms from this machine (unless you want to be a father). May also
sell novelty "battery operated items" at £5 a throw, how romantic.
